Sex and the city: “Why women need men to tell them what to do”

-Inspired from Candance Bushnell,with love for Carrie Bradshaw

Ah yes. Why indeed. Let me tell you the story of an average healthy person Mr. B

Day 1-5: It is Day 1, and Mr. B is getting ready to get shit done. You know, do stuff, get chores done, move ahead in life, blah blah. All geared up to do that, just that the stomach cramps would not stop, the back pain would not let him breathe and the legs are numb! But this person is wise enough and has learnt to exercise regularly, and monitor salts intake to manage the discomfort, but only if he could lie down a bit. Well, the world can wait 4-5 days! Working on low efficiency is one thing, binge eating is another. Now Mr. B, who strives to stay healthy, cannot stop this urge to eat deep fried and absolute junk during these days. Research says, this hormonal lead binge eating would actually cause him to age faster. But then, this person has no one to tell him that. So he eats whatever his body asks for, hungrily. Better days would come obviously.

Day 6-14: Now, the major part of the month when Mr. B is physically fit to get shit done. This is the part where hormones called estrogen and testosterone start rising, I mean really rising. And Mr. B catches himself day dreaming about intense sexual activity and is at the peak of heightened libido. Barely a week after the physical discomfort got over, the bitch called ovulation has kicked in, heightening the sexual needs of Mr. B. As if he did not have enough to deal with. Lying in bed, sleeping an extra hour, he marks his calendar, and waits for this time and his illogical libido to pass as well. Changing the world can wait. Need to deal with the testosterone first!

Day 14-25: Aha! Thinks a perfectly ovulated Mr. B. Experience and reading has taught him that this is the window when those extra interfering hormones would flush out of his system and he can live a normal, non-interrupted life! Way to go! Only now, the progesterone starts kicking in and will keep on going for the next 2 weeks. Everything seems to be going well just that he doesn’t feel so good about himself….flushing out of hormones perhaps. Anxiety, panic attacks, crying fits, depression, tiredness, headaches, irritable bowel syndrome, constipation....over 150 symptoms which can be attributed to this flushing out of hormones and the situation labeled as PMS.  Mr. B gets to work, managing, ignoring the crazy emotions; he needs to get ahead in the world after all, doesn’t he!

Day 25-28: The height of PMS, and the internal blood linings are putting pressure on the nerve endings causing Mr. B to feel depressed and aroused simultaneously! Mr. B ends up feeling like shit and sexy both at the same time! He will wait for this to pass as well, telling himself he isn’t actually so bad, this is just PMS, and would look forward to now to the phase of physical discomfort again, just so that he can get rid of his crazy hormones and get some work done!

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Only, Mr. B is not a mister and is a female by the grace of Mother Nature. Emotions are supposed to be an internal guidance system to lead us to the right path and good things in life. Mr. B flushed so incessantly, so regularly by unwanted hormones struggles to get a grip on emotions every week to get shit done. How reliable are these hormone driven emotions of libido, self worth and righteousness are? How just are these in letting Mr. B have a right view of the world and take objective decisions? 

Nature has designed Mr. B it seems to grow eventually into a superhuman. Because only a superhuman can manage such eccentric phases and still stay on track in life. It is either a choice to manage it all and grow into a superhuman, or just put up with the flushing and stay mediocre.

B doesn’t want to be a superhuman! She just wants to be a human, just throw in some men to tell B what to do. Greatness can wait.

7 Must have walks in Delhi

A good walk in the greens followed by a good meal/drink in a less crowded, open air space is perhaps one of the best ways to spend a good evening. I have found it an essential to living a good life. So, if you are in Delhi with some time in your hand and some stress in your head here is a list, which could be useful!

#7 Deer park, HKV
Though this place is extremely done and dusted now, the deer park still holds its charm for a good evening stroll. Grab a cup of tea from the hawker at the gate and sit near the lake viewing the ruins and the sun set and you are all set. Deer park makes it to the list, as its not worth missing, but its #7 because every kid out of school in Delhi can be found strolling HKV gullies these days. You can of course end your walk in any of the multiple cafes!

Expert Tip: None. Every kid in Delhi is an HKV expert nowadays!

#6 CP/ Shahpur Jat
Not exactly green, but the outer circle in CP with a circumference of about 1.5 km, and the inner circle with a circumference of about .9, is still not a bad place to walk. The gem is in the middle circle, café Tonino. An unexpected well groomed Italian place where the waiters help you taste and chose your wine and give complimentary olives out of no where. Food service is brilliant, if you ordered something and didn't like it as an afterthought, they change it - they do it, without asking!

Shahpur Jat, has been doing rounds in the news for a while now, but still it is one of the places where one can go and expect Under 26 to stay out! Ivy bean café, is one of the rarest places where one can go and sit in solitude on a Saturday night, while the nearby HKV is buzzing with noise and kids

Expert Tip: Try the yogurt at Ivy bean café. The yummiest and healthiest meal for under 100 you can find anywhere else in that compound. And the Harry Potter merchandise!

#5 Buddha garden + Tea at Too Miki Tapas, Chanakyapuri
 If you are a native you would have surely gone to Buddha garden on a school picnic and come back with fond memories of you know what! One of the underrated gardens, this place is surprisingly interesting and well maintained, just visit with an open mind! The best manicured part of the garden is towards the inside, outside being more jungle like.

When tired, get out and about 1-2 km away you have Too Miki Tapas café. Order either Tapas portions of good food, or better yet, have a chat with their Tea connoisseur. One of the best varieties of blended teas are found here and the guy and the staff really know their teas, their food and their customers. Whats more, the tea kettle, the surd owner and the girl waitress here are just awesome!

Expert tip: The sutta shop is just inside the army residential complex next gate of Too Miki Tapas.

#4 Lodhi garden + The Lodhi restaurant
Another sufficiently highlighted place, but still it finds its name on the list because it is nearest to my home and because, well its awesome. The garden entry is open till 8pm, great place to jog, read a book, has open gym, has a bus stand just at the gate, and Jor Bagh metro station at the other gate - so really well connected.

Expert tip: If you have had too much of Lodhi Restaurant, because it is possible to have had too much of Lodhi restaurant, checkout the nearby cafes on Meherchand market!

   #3 Hotel Diplomat, Chanakyapuri
This one is simply too good to be true. Near to airport, if you are visiting Delhi on a short trip, try the stay here. The prices are lesser than starting of the 5 stars and the resort like ambience right in the middle of the city will amaze you. The restaurant has good outdoor seating, and one can indulge in a relaxed 2 hour family dinner here. Around the hotel, is an excellent place to go for a stroll.

Expert tip: Have a 3 course dinner here and head to Too Miki Tapas on the parallel road for their brilliant tea post dinner!

    #2 Garden of 5 senses + Fio, Saket
An okaish garden, too much of PDA here, but alls well that ends in the menu of Fio.
Its on number 2, because the garden is very well maintained, lots of eating options inside and mostly because it has Fio adjacent to it.

Expert Tip: If Fio is too much on your pocket, because it is a stretch over the usual stretch, head to the nearby Rose Café!

    #1 Aravali Bio-reserve + Monkey bar, Vasant Kunj
A jungle/a research project/an enigma right in the middle of south Delhi. The place has nature trails, it has deep valleys, rocky hills and a very mysterious hut inside. One day is certainly not enough to checkout this reserve. Still under construction, you need to have both luck and permission to find the trails open when you visit. Exit the trail towards Vasant Kunj and head to monkey bar for a drink and a game of pool. It makes to #1 because of the diversity of the Aravali area and because of its capacity to make you forget for an hour or two that you are in a city.

Expert Tip: Post drinks, hang out at the garden outside Monkey bar with a cup of tea from a vendor in the adjacent parking.

Satan's Fall

Some glorious, some petty, some non-descript, some routine, some exceptional. Few make history by being wronged. Some people’s lives are highlighted by the loss they have incurred in life. The Heroic Victims.

I normally believe in measuring the experiences by their intensity, not by their goodness. The extreme, the better, the more real it is. Some people are gloriously ruined and for good or worse, that’s the only thing, which happens to them all through their lives. Hence I am glad to have the rich experience when you broke my heart. For starters, there was physical pain, real pain in the muscles, which would make me clutch my chest and worry if I would get a heart attack. This is the kind of pain one only hears or reads about. I myself never expected to experience such pain myself, least of all survive it. It was the most intimate, most raw, most real pain, at a whole different level of depth – all thanks to you. Never have I felt so close to you as during that pain. I am thankful that it’s a memory now, but I would not trade it for anything else, even for you. Your love never consumed me like that pain did. If reality and intensity is the metric, that pain was perhaps the best thing that had happened to me in our relationship. Yes, I treasure it and would not change it for the world.

Then for the first time I prayed to God. You know, eyes closed, hands folded, earnest prayer for it to stop. I don’t think I have prayed so earnestly, or at all for anything in life, blessed I have been. Another new profound experience of placing your faith outside yourself and asking for strength or mercy in any order they wish to come. You pray because you can see the damage happening and somewhere you hope that it can stop and you can still be saved. But Satan’s fall doesn’t stop so soon, does it.

You fall more, deeper, more into the darkness, in the blurr, in the confusion. This is where you feel the anchors loosing, the ties from realities breaking. This is when you can’t get up from bed, or this is where you can’t sleep anymore. I have had days when I could not get out of my bed earlier as well, but this was way more intense, almost to the limit that it qualifies for being braggable. Never took a sleeping pill before, another first of ours. Alprax .25 its called and they would not give it more without prescription. The 2 of them, which I could get, hold of. I still remember how I would look forward to having them and ease off my consciousness. The frantic search at retail and online pharmacies to get it. Yes it was another world you showed me, which I didn’t know existed. Yes I was touched in all the new ways, deeper than ever before. Cigarettes replaced sleeping pills and anti depressants, where I would puff them till I get a headache. Where it was 10 am in the morning, and I knew I needed a cigarette to get through my day.

You do all this and still wish it would go away but the reality stays and you keep falling, reaching the next stop: The rock bottom. When you know you are over, when you know everything is lost and you would have to restart. It’s a good place to be, the rock bottom, just that it was so bloody cold. I remember using blankets to sleep at night in what you would call a summer season. Cold such biting I started wearing sweaters around, in the sun yes. You have had me sweating, its only natural you take me to the other end of the Kelvin scale. The Satan’s fall stops at the rock bottom. You reach here tired and hurt and you stay here till, well till frankly you get bored of it. And that’s what it takes to realize the power of choice and of letting go and of inner peace and of patience and all that Jing bang you thought was shit and irrelevant for your age. This is where you realize you have grown years. This is where it clicks. And this is where you realize that it was the best birthday gift for a 26 year old ever possible. And this is when you say thank you and move on.

Just breathe

A boy left emotionally unhealed for years after a severe breakup, expected to shortlist girls over a week vacation and start a family

A girl wanting to start a startup, but is still looking for support to break the stereotypes

A boy expected to have it all, struggling to fill the voids in life as he lives by himself in an alien country

A girl fighting out in an city while she feels her body clock ticking, and has no means to understand what is happening to her

A boy living the expected career dream by fighting it out in a sales territory in a tier 4 city

A girl at the threshold of a new career and a breakup wondering what is she supposed to do

A boy putting all his energies in work and keeping his house wonders where is meaning, where is love

A girl flunking through exams sits alone at home where her parents are really sick

“Am I in the right career? My relationship status is complicated. I am not sure how will this work out. I think I want this. I think that will make me happy. I think that job is good. I think that salary is worth dying for. My aim is to move to that city. She didn’t reply to my message. I didn’t get the project of my choice. I am not happy. “

All the instances listed above are true, and have all the resemblance to people I know alive and kicking. Myself, friends, peers, colleagues looking for meaning, looking for clarity, looking for relief. Some coping with routine, some with occasional venting, some ignoring, some accepting, rarely anyone healing. Speaking of people with similar background as of mine, we hit the real world perhaps too late. 26 is not the age where one is expected to have sorted it all out and brave the realities of real life which are of inevitable nature. One looks for control and meaning externally, but the only place it can perhaps come from is from the inside.

They teach you everything in schools but one thing, which nobody does teach, is how to handle life amidst uncertainty. Being educated from the top colleges in India, one blessedly enters the world of endless opportunities. Corporate struggle, alternate lifestyles, yoga, book writing, business, teaching, traveling, marriage, literally everything is open to you. Now imagine leaving all these choices to a kid who never took out time to realize or develop his internal values. How is he expected to make a choice from such an array, when he only knows what he wants, but doesn’t understand what is that he needs. How can one navigate life when his own internal compass is missing? Result? Mayhem. Chaos. Anxiety. Depression. A taboo our generation deals with, but is rarely brave enough to speak up or share.

Suddenly the real world becomes way too real and many find the necessary life skills missing to live a joyful, stable and meaningful life. Of course my assumption is that consciousness is always there. Because there does exist a lot, where consciousness is missing most of the time and they rarely ever realize if something is wrong or not aligned within them. Otherwise, the cases are extreme. The sorted ones are rare, I haven’t met any yet. And for the others pain increases with their level of consciousness without any means to develop a perspective on what really is happening within. What the hell is happening here?

I guess it’s a journey wherein everyone finds answers at his own pace. But it is our responsibility to ourselves and to family and friends to keep going amongst this uncertainty; and to build and share joy in our lives.

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.