Love me like you do

When I was a young girl, my parents would take me shopping.

The doting parents they are, they would take me to the best shops they could afford or were aware of. Mom would spend hours with me scanning the markets in Karol Bagh to buy clothes which would make me happy. Dad would always be ready to stretch his budget to get the best deal for me. In days where there were no metros/malls, and traveling distances wasn’t really a thing, they would spend weekends figuring out how to shop in Sarojini Nagar, Janpath, even Kamla Market and all the popular places they had heard young Delhi girls shop for the best deal.

And nothing.

After all the efforts they would put for my shopping, I would often return empty handed, tired, irritated, stressed and with nothing.

“Isko kuch pasand hi nhi aata”

“Pata nhi kya chahiye ise”

“Ladki ne paresan rakha hai, pata nhi kesi pasand hai”

Maybe something was wrong with me, maybe I was a painful child, I would wonder. Everyone else seems to be happy with their wardrobe and looking fine, why can’t I decide on something.

“Uncle ye teeshirt plain mein nhi milegi? Ye kapda white cotton mein nhi aata?”

“Ye kurta thoda simple nhi milega”

“Theek hai, 300 nhi to 500 tak mein dikha dijiye”

And with all the above criteria, my search rarely returned anything. You see, even at the age of 14, without much exposure to media/foreign brands I had an inherent inclination towards simple plain comfortable clothes – the ones which you see stocked in brands like Benetton or Forever 21 these days. I was looking for something which didn’t exist in my world, I didn’t know what was it called. You see I had the taste, but there was no dish!

As a result I spent most of my teenage, literally abstaining from focussing on my looks or the way girls dress up. I kept a minimal wardrobe and focussed on my studies. I mean what was the point. What I wanted was just not out there.

Few years forward, when 1990s had passed and Baby Boomers had saved enough and disposable incomes in general starting rising, I started shopping from stores like Koutons during their sale season. There were the glory of soft comfortable jeans with sober colors and sober ranges. There I could find my comfortable full sleeve plain white tees. Oh what a heaven! Well I completed my education, started earning well, got opportunities to develop my taste, visit places and the journey has been only upwards from there.

But this blog is neither a nostalgic outpour about my teenage nor an ode to my choice of clothes. It is about what to do when you feel so ready for something, when you can it almost see it in your mind but it just won’t manifest for you. When you have a very clear idea of what you are looking for, but nothing seems to fit the description. When looking hard and getting stressed just doesn’t help!

Do you abstain and focus on other areas (like I did) and let universe decide when is the right time for you to get your wish? Or do you adjust and lower your standards and just do what other around you are doing? Can do the latter, but just that, we are never as good as aping the others. We can ape the actions, but it is only our vision which can only truly guide us.

I don’t know what your answer would be, but I till this day suffer from the same symptoms as clothes shopping when I look for a choice of career or a life partner or a place to live.

Perfectionism can be managed, but not really cured.

P.S. To this day, amongst my peer group, am known as one of the most well-dressed person. I take pride in my choices, know what I want, and thankfully am able to manifest what I have in mind.

P.P.S I have grown bored of shopping and expensive brands now, and am moving towards minimalistic wardrobe again, a true full circle of life this time.