Its the way you make me feel

Don’t travel alone. Stay hungry, stay in dark, don’t go to school, don’t work, don’t step outside your house; if you have to, never do it alone; and while you are inside, watch out for cousins, uncles and fathers.

If you are a girl thinking this is one of those exaggerated feminists posts, try getting somewhere by taking a cab after 12 am in your city. If you are a guy thinking such horror stories happen in a parallel universe and you are not a part of it, good for you.

For the background, am staying at a reputable hotel in Churchgate, Mumbai – a well known posh and hence intuitively a safe area. A place with a good reputation. I am also a person of good reputation. So far, so good.

I am a person and I am entitled to have my dinner at 11:50 pm or whenever I want. I call up room service but due to pest control activity the kitchen is closed. The nearby Mc Donald delivers till 12, I call them up, register my number but its 11:57 now and they take orders only till 11:55. Sacrosanct deadlines, sure. Ok, McD is hardly 1 km away, I can take a cab. Its Mumbai after all.

Lesser traffic on roads but still people are there. I see a girl happily chatting, but she has 2 guys to give her company. Men, such a brave species!  I am already all alert with heightened senses, sixth included. A police jeep passes by, I feel relived – of what? So much trust can only be a mark of a weak or of a fool. Subconsciously I scan the drivers of the cabs lined up ahead. This one looks old and genuine.

“Colaba, Mc Donalds”, I feign a strong stern confident voice. I am petrified.

Meter down, yes am going okay, roads are emptier, but I just saw a Jaguar. That is reassuring – why!?

The taxi is at a decent speed, If I have to jump down will I be hurt a lot…why did I lose my pepper spray…he interrupts.

“Madam aap Colaba rehti hain?” Is he trying to figure out why am I traveling alone at this hour? What if am not going home? What if I am going for a party? Will he judge me? Should I be going home?

“Nahin bhaiya, vapas aana h, 5 min ruk ke” I talk in straight and crisp voice. “Aap rukenge?” May be that’s  why he had asked me. See, old he is, he is a good person after all. Its Mumbai remember, and I just saw a Jaguar on road. It all fits, I must be safe.

“Koi ni mein wait karlunga, aap khana le aaiye. Kaam ki bhi baat karni h”

“Accha. Kya kaam ki baat karni h” I am near Mc Donalds now. I fake a respectful and curious voice. I don’t want to warn him, I don’t want to sound scared. I want him to let me get off the taxi.

“Madam mein film story writer hun”  my alarm bell goes off. I still can’t afford to offend or warn him. Who knows.

Does he think am a prostitute, does he think am some struggler new to Mumbai and he can use me or something, but I boarded taxi from a reputable location…aren’t these people found in some fixed red areas..

 Am out of taxi, I feign a phone call.

“Yeah I am just outside, McD…coming up 2 minutes”

“Bhaiyya tym lag jayega, aap nikal jaiye”  see am being reasonable. So please if you are a rapist, don’t hold any grudge against me, and don’t lurk in the corner when I go back.

I take my parcel from McD, now I should cross the road and get a taxi from the other side. I must be looking really vulnerable with this packed McD bag and drink, I cross the road. There are still some people on the road, it is not that eerie. 2-3 people are standing over there and chatting near cars, they look alright. Should I walk near them and wait for a taxi. Why are they looking at me weirdly? A taxi comes and stops in front of me. A quick look at the driver and I shook my head and tell him to move ahead. Second cab driver came, he also stopped without me giving him any signal. A blue cab – a cool cab – safer?

“Churchgate?”

“Vaise to VT ja raha hun, but thik h baitho” You are not supposed to be on road, I will do a favor , am going VT, but still I will drop you. Or just get inside, I will rape you.

“Nai aap jaiye, koi ni” Polite again. I am already pleading, for what?

Another taxi  is coming, I stop this one waving my hand and exuding confidence.

“Churchgate”

“Signal se hi left nhi lega churchgate pe, only right”

“Koi ni aap signal pe hi utar dena” See I know my way around here, I am not new, beware!

I sit in the cab and take out my phone. Another feigned call.

“Yep I got the cab, and food too, come at the signal I will meet you there. Hardly 2 minutes. Yes, just took a left now, coming coming” See am on phone, somebody knows where I am, beware!

I dial 100 on phone, just one button and there will be call, just in case…

He drops me at my place and I in my head I thank him with all my heart. I cross the road and walk quickly to my hotel. I am inside my room. Its only 12:20. Its been only 20 minutes. Not feeling hungry anymore. I am shaking.

I have only one thought in my mind,” I am not supposed to feel this way”

If only men were this scared of letching and committing sexual crimes.

I wonder, if I go out every day after 12 am outside, how many days after which I will be eventually raped.